[EMPTY PROMISES] 2014 New Year’s Resolutions By Cultist & Friends

In keeping with the great tradition of looking sideways at self-improvement around January 1st, here is a giant post of New Year’s Resolutions from people we admire, people we can’t stand, and other people we call friends.

 

 

MISH WAY, WHITE LUNG

To drunk text less and to record all of “Death Church” with Hether Fortune. And cat spit.

 

HETHER FORTUNE,

To be so batshit crazy obsessed / in love with my work and my friends that I have absolutely no room for romantic love with idiots … and to watch every single Nicolas Cage movie ever made. Maybe I should write a Nic Cage concept album as well ?! THE FUTURE IS OPEN WIDE. Plus, cat spit.

 

JENNIFER CLAVIN, BLEACHED

My goal this year is to learn to surf so I can be surfing at midnight for next New Year’s eve. Also, cat spit.

 

DD, DUM DUM GIRLS

To use a canvas bag for groceries and to learn how to tell people off.

BRANDON WELCHEZ,

My New Year’s resolution is to not be such a negative fuck.

 

JARED SWILLEY, BLACK LIPS

To stop breaking my nose and getting black eyes/facial injuries. My resolution is to end my fighting career.

 

IZZY ALMEIDA, HUNTERS

To be less neurotic.

 

 

RIKKY GAGE, WHITE FANG and THE MEMORIES

To call my mom more. I talk to her like once a year, I should change that. And to listen to more reggae.

 

TY SEGALL, TY SEGALL BAND & FUZZ

My New Year’s Resolution is to go sky diving. And to ride Superman at Six Flags.

 

MIKAL CRONIN

To not get kicked out of my place in SF and to eat more salad!

 

EMILY ROSE, TY SEGALL BAND

To learn how to fix cars. And to go to Six Flags more.

 

 CHAD UBOVICH, CHAD AND THE MEATBODIES & MIKAL CRONIN BAND & FUZZ

To beat GTAV.

 

MATT SCHMALFELD, AUDACITY

I want to gain muscle tone and move out of my parents’ house

THOMAS ALVAREZ, AUDACITY

To start smoking.

CAMERON CROWE, AUDACITY

To go on food stamps.

KYLE GIBSON, AUDACITY

To look more like Yasi.

 

 

STEVEN MCDONALD, REDD KROSS

No more cigerettes. And better spelling in 2014. Better stress management, More graceful leading. Less reacting to paranoia no matter how sleep deprived.

 

SEAN WOOD,

To redo the top end on my Chevy and to stop fighting with my old man! Learn “Great White Buffalo” by Ted Nugent. Get a summer job and just stay outta trouble.

 

DALE CROVER, MELVINS

My New Year’s resolution is to clear out all the useless crap I’ve managed to collect. I have a hard time throwing stuff away. I’m a borderline candidate to be on Hoarders!

 

 

 BRODY MCKNIGHT, NU SENSAE

To cry.

 

ANDREA LUKIC, NU SENSAE

To cry less.

 

 ANTWON

To marry you Yasi. Kim and Kanye

 

To pay rent on time and get muscles :3

 

BLAQUE CHRIS

To eat more hot wings.

 

SHANNON CORNETT, FULL TIME PUNX

Kill ‘em all and let god sort ‘em out. Also cat spit. Wowowowow.

 

JED MAHEU, ZIG ZAGS

To stop talking about The Growlers at work with Stephen.

 

JOSH LANDAU, THE SHRINE

To find Animal Chin and have him play a guitar solo on a live album.

 

FLETCHER SHEARS, THE GARDEN

Resolution: To become a licensed gimp. I’m tired of pretending to be the real thing.

WYATT SHEARS, THE GARDEN

To avoid making eye contact with men in pig masks.

CHRISTOPHER MICHAEL, GUANTANAMO BAYWATCH

My New Year’s resolution is to practice singing “Keep On Loving You” by REO Speedwagon.

 

CHEVELLE, GUANTANAMO BAYWATCH

My New Year’s resolution is to get my bank account above out of the negative.

JASON POWELL, GUANTANAMO BAYWATCH

My New Year’s resolution is to get betr at spelling and to touch Yasi’s butt.

 

 

ZAC CARPER, FIDLAR

To open a Del Taco.

MAX KUEHN, FIDLAR

To get more stuff from SkyMall.

ALEX SHEN, MEAT MARKET

To get off the computer, to write more music, to buy real estate.

JAKE FREITAS, MEAT MARKET

I want to blow coke into somebody’s butt this year.

 

STEPHANIE LUKIC, THE COATHANGERS

I wanna try and become more aware of who I am and how I treat others, and ultimately fix whatever needs fixin! That and smoke a lot of pot ha.

MEREDITH FRANCO, THE COATHANGERS

To learn how to drive.

 

FLETCHER C. JOHNSON

I’ve already watched Silver-Linings Playbook over 10 times. I bet I can do 40 more in 2014. There are 12 movies I’ve watched over 50 times. My guess is, this will be the 13th. I don’t like figuring out what I’m going to watch when I sit down. I just put on the last thing I saw again.

I guess I’d also like to get my anxiety and depression under control, but what are the chances of that! I just got a prescription for Effetor so that will be my test in 2014. Prozac and Lexapro did NOT work.

 

HANNI EL KHATIB

To keep my Taco Bell intake to a once per week minimum.

ANDREW FLORES, DESTRUCTION UNIT & JOCK CLUB & MARSHSTEPPER

Listen to more sitars.

MICHAEL FIORE, CRIMINAL HYGIENE

To eat less pizza.

SEAN BIRDMAN, CRIMINAL HYGIENE

Quit music, skateboards, and surfboards cause they’re childish and a waste of time. Get a grownup job.

 

RACHEL BIRKE, HELLER KELLER

The main one I have about music is to stop acting like a giggly embarrassed nervous wreck when I play music that isn’t Heller Keller haha. And my general one is to stop being depressed about being depressed.

 

SAM JAMES VELDE, OBLITERATIONS

Do everything full throttle and don’t look back.

 

STEPHEN MCBEAN, & PINK MOUNTAINTOPS & OBLITERATIONS

To keep weeding out.

 

NICO, BEACH PARTY

Say “Bye” before I hang up the telephone.

JAMES, BEACH PARTY

Run a marathon.

ROB, BEACH PARTY

To tour more.

ADAM, BEACH PARTY

More cowbell.

 

My resolution is to date every member of One Direction especially Harry but least especially Liam and moderate especially Louis.

SASHA HECHT,

Shoot guns in the desert, wear almost exclusively luxury lounge-wear, hang out with cool dogs, get into less bar fights, get into more bar fights, do less bad drugs, kiss more people, drive more cars, break hearts that aren’t my own, remember to answer my parents’ text messages, hang out in a seven foot tall champagne glass hot tub in the Pocanos, care more, care less.

 

MEL ZEE, WRITER

I wanna stop being mean to myself.

RACHELYN REMZ, CULTIST

To work on fewer projects but actually complete them, to let things go with less struggle, to spend more time with full albums and to learn how to be a proper girl.

USELESS INTERN KLAUS, CULTIST &

To put on more airs.

 

RICK RODNEY, CULTIST MINISTER OF PHOTOGRAPHY

RESOLUTION: WORK. PLAY. WORK. PLAY…   XX

 

JANE HELPERN, CULTIST

Read more. Write more. See more movies in theaters. Spend more time in nature. Stop picking my face. Stop feeling guilty. Be more selfish. Cultivate my female friendships. Have more sex. Wear fun lipstick. More topless hiking.

 

YASI SALEK, CULTIST

To wear fancier underwear. And cat spit.