[CULT TALK] Criminal Hygiene Interview The Orwells; They Are All Idiots

Words and (terrible) photos: Criminal Hygiene

This interview of The Orwells occurred in Portland, before our show at the Star Theater. We formed a super group called “Mystery” and played a mostly mediocre, yet spirited, cover of “Love Gun” by KISS.

 

CH: Mario, how many times have you been sexually harassed during this tour?

Mario: At least three when I was like, “nah”, but then they ended up convincing me.

 

CH: If you could eat McDonalds in any city, which would it be?

Mario: Toronto

Matt: Elmhurst

Henry: Elmhurst

Grant: Elmhurst

Dom: Elmhurst

 

CH: What is your least favorite Criminal Hygiene song?

Mario: I don’t feel comfortable answering that

Henry: I’m not answering that, there is one I don’t like in your set.

Matt: Snow Day

 

CH: Grant, have you ever considered not being such a little bitch?

Grant: Yeah, get the fuck out of here.

 

 

CH: Can we get a picture with you?

Mario: Always, babe.

 

CH: Henry, name one thing you don’t hate

Henry: Interviews.

 

CH: If you could be Birdman for a day, what would you do?

Henry: Fly away.

Grant: Probably just do what he does, drink beers and eat pizza.

Matt: Same shit

Mario: Feed my kid.

 

CH: Henry, how was that blow job in the woods the other night in San Diego?

Henry: On the ranking of my blow jobs I’ve gotten, definitely number one.

 

CH: Who wins in a fight: Criminal Hygiene, Twin Peaks or The Orwells?

Mario: I feel like we would definitely fucking lose.

Matt: Fuck that it’s five on four or five on three. We’re winning.

 

CH: We have Birdman though….

Matt: Shit yeah that’s true…

Henry: You think Big Steve could take out Drew?

Mario: I feel like JT would pull a blade.

 

CH: After The Orwells get bigger and Criminal Hygiene fails, where do you see us ending up?

Mario: Opening for us on our world tour.

Henry: Working at fast food places.

 

CH: Ball in cup, or seven?

Mario: Seven?

Henry: I have no idea

Grant: I’m not answering that.

Matt: I don’t know what the fuck that means.

Dom: Seven for sure.

 

 

You can find The Orwells being underage and also constantly playing on repeat in Jane’s house while she dances around, and also on and .

You can find Criminal Hygiene in the sad squat they call home, sharing one fork and a bowl of sorrow, and also on and . You can also still buy their Withdrawn 7 inch HERE.