[KARDASHIAN KORNER] Kourtney and Khloe Take The Hamptons Ep. 2 aka “What’s That Racquet?”

Kourtney and Khloe Take The Hamptons E.2 “What’s That Racquet?”

 

Previously On: Kourtney can not think of a more perfect place for her family to be spending the summer than the Hamptons. Scott and Khloe can’t think of a worse place to be spending the summer than the Hamptons. Unless Scott can get sober, Kourtney doesn’t want him there, and she’s banished him from the property to prove her point.

 

What’s this? Khloe, fresh off the plane from South Africa, is no longer allowed on the property, either? Even the security guard (who has my dream job of standing at their gate, checking his Instagram all day) seems confused, but he gets his orders from the head of security and there’s nothing he can do. Scott’s been at a motel for the last hour, most likely enjoying his life, so that’s where Khloe heads.

 

# of Times Kourtney Pushes Khloe and Scott Together In This Episode: 1

 

 

Together, Khloe and Scott try to figure out WHAT IS KOURTNEY’S PROBLEM? “I think she thought she was coming to the Hamptons and she was literally gonna ride bicycles with you during the day, talk shit to me at night, and then go to bed with the kids and have a perfect little world for herself,” Scott hypothesizes. Hmm, it’s almost as if a Kardashian sister has tricked herself into thinking she lives in some weird fantasy world.

 

After Kourtney reluctantly decides to let them return to their own home, Scott isn’t sure whether to knock on the door, or just enter. Hashtag relationship goals? They enter and Khloe thinks Kourtney is shooting her dagger stares, but maybe she’s just super medicated? It would explain her lack of emotion towards anyone or anything. Do any tabloids wish to explore this theory? Moving on.

 

 

Scott feels abandoned by the “only person he has in the world” following his banishment after one night out. Kourtney is tired of Scott’s alcoholism and lack of control. All Kourtney does is “bitch and fucking complain.” All Scott does is break Kourtney’s rules. Ugh, is every episode of this series gonna be so heavy? I watch KUWTK to watch Kim and Kris adopt monkeys and clean dog diarrhea, not to learn about alcoholism and compromise.

 

Over brunch, Scott asks Khloe if she wants to play tennis with him. Seems like a yes or no question, right? Not to her. “Exercise releases the same chemical reaction as having sex…not that we should be doing that together, but just letting you know.” Silence. “Um, that was a little awkward. I don’t know why I said that.” Has Khloe been reading my fan fiction? Does she totally want to bone Scott? Either way, cool scene.

 

 

Trying to cover her Freudian slip from before, Khloe tries her hardest to get Scott and Kourtney to sleep in the same bed that night. She tucks them in. The door closes. “Now get the fuck out of here,” Kourtney jokes. At least, it seemed like a joke until we find Scott sleeping on the bathroom floor the next morning. Not a great look, Scott.

 

 

It’s truly sad to know that Khloe and French are providing the cute happy couple moments on this show. But here they are in this irrelevant scene, salsa dancing on a yacht with the New York City skyline and wind at their backs.

 

Back in the Hamptons, Scott has moved into Kim’s room. Wait – Kim has a room? Does that mean she will eventually be on this show? Hell yeah. Surprise, surprise, Kourtney doesn’t want Scott in there because he’s a slob and Princess Kim will “freak.” Oye.

 

Kourtney makes a small step towards redeeming herself when she tells Khloe that drunk Scott fell into a porta-potty outside their house and started barfing in front of his son on Christmas Eve. I guess that’s a little sad, but in this context it’s mostly just an awesome story. Like, he fell into the porta potty? Please elaborate. Unless he can change, Kourtney has no problem dumping his alcoholic ass.

 

 

That afternoon, Khloe shows up in what Scott dubs a “naughty tennis teacher” outfit, and tries to lure Scott onto the courts. They proceed to have a well-dressed but embarrassingly amateur tennis match. Khloe says tennis is good for Scott because it’s a good stress reliever, and it gets him out of the house. She compares it to Bruce’s golfing, and Scott quickly points out that Bruce’s habits ended in a failed marriage. Dark.

 

Later, Khloe and Scott are discussing eye herpes in the backyard when Khloe gets a splinter in her butt. Scott wants to remove it. “Just get one cheek out,” “I’m a doctor,” and “Seems like your nipples are getting hard,” are just some of the lines that come out of this exchange. Sweet!

 

 

Always quick to be the buzzkill, Kourtney has now locked Scott out of Kim’s room, where he goes to “get away from it all.” Why is Kourtney thinking about Kim’s feelings and not Scott’s? He’s not allowed to sleep in the bed with her, he’s not allowed to sleep in Kim’s room, and he’s “not gonna live [his] life in a bathroom.” With nowhere else to turn, he goes to “enjoy himself elsewhere” in Khloe’s room. He asks if it’s weird to stay with her for a couple weeks. She acts like she’s not into it, but a couple hours later they’re in bed laughing at a video on her phone. The Fun Police barges in and tells them to keep it down, but really Kourtney’s just jealous that Scott’s having fun despite her attempts to make him miserable.

 

# of Times Kourtney Pushes Khloe and Scott Together In This Episode: 2

 

The next day, the happy couple Scott and Khloe is off to play “tennisia,” more commonly known as tennis. Kourtney’s salty about not being invited, but decides to “grace them with her presence.” Her presence is grumpier than ever and she decides to act out by shooting tennis balls at their heads at an aggressive speed. Jealous of the friendship her boyfriend and sister have developed, she decides to strand them at the tennis court. Though I’m pretty sure the concept of being stranded somewhere died when Uber was born.

 

 

# of Times Kourtney Pushes Khloe and Scott Together In This Episode: 3

 

Back at the house, Kourtney is pissed that Khloe “always takes Scott’s side.” The sisters have a tender moment of communication and decide to become roommates so Scott can take Khloe’s room. And alas, my fantasies of Scott and Khloe finally getting together are crushed. For now.

 

Scott wants to buy a yacht so he has somewhere comfortable to sleep. Kourtney tells him to “stop being so dramatic,” and that if he gets his shit together, “maybe she wouldn’t have to shoot tennis balls at his face.” Kourtney just wants Scott to grow up. Scott just wants to be a Toys”R”Us kid. I just want Kimye to get here.

 

 

Stray Observations:

 - Mason and Penelope are seriously so cute. I wish they got more airtime.

– Didn’t know “BK” = Before Kids until Scott said, “BK, that bitch was my girl,” about Kourtney.

– I can’t tell if that episode was boring or not because with this article I am committed to watching this entire series.

– It doesn’t really matter because next week’s episode looks INSANE. Scott goes off the rails, AND we get to see Kim and Kris. Thanks, E!

 

Unexpected Voice of Reason:

Khloe: “I smell like a fucking bear that was outside in dog shit for years.”